Another beautifully lost dreamer with an incurable case of wanderlust.

Flying Etiquette

Nobody wants to be that person that gets on everyone’s nerves, and we certainly do not want to come across these people ourselves. Ever. Travelling is generally a stressful time for most, so let’s try lightening the mood and promote polite, happy flying. I have put together a few tips for perfect flying etiquette.

1) The Seatbelt Light.
After landing, please keep your seatbelt on until the seatbelt light is turned off. This instruction seems rather basic and straight forward, yet about 80% of the population seem to ignore the bright light over every row, down the entire aircraft and yet proceed to stand up. This is for your own safety. Plus, you are not getting out until the doors open anyway.

2) Chair Kicking & Getting Battered and Bruised.
Okay, so if you do it once, I shall forgive you. But repeatedly having your chair kicked through an entire flight is enough you send you insane. Kick’a my chair, I Kick’a your face. Another thing, it irritates me when you are minding your own business sitting in your aisle seat and suddenly you have an oversized handbag in your face. Or if you’re super unlucky, a huge, bent over ass. Not what you want just before a delightful inflight meal.

3) Faffers.
Clutching their boarding pass in hand and walking painfully slowly down the aisle trying to read the clearly marked letters and numbers of the aircraft. They sit down, IN THE WRONG SEAT? How is this even possible? Once they finally sit in the correct seat, they then get up five hundred times before take-off to get something else out of their hand luggage, insist on making sure their tray works and testing out the recliner. Just sit still and be quiet. That’s all we ask.

4) Baggage.
I am unusually small, I am aware of this. Therefore on a flight, I only ever recline the tiniest bit. My legs are not that long, so I don’t have the lack of legroom problem, but I know most of the population do. I am being considerate by doing this. So, I am asking you this. If you are slightly bigger than average, please refrain from overflowing on to my seat. It’s my seat. I don’t want a stranger pretty much sat on my lap. Some people may like that kinky shiz, but it doesn’t do anything for me in the slightest.
Oversize baggage in the cabin. Why? There is a whole cabin devoted to check in luggage. So check it in, damn it! I think that I’m deprived of luggage allowance. I am pretty light, therefore I should be able to take double to amount of clothes and shoes. Dear Mr Airport Luggage Man… Bring in combined body/luggage weight allowance!

5) General Annoyances.
Please do not sit at a window seat and then close the blind. Some of us like to see the outside world during a long haul flight. It keeps us sane. Please wash thoroughly before a flight. Personal hygiene is key. No one likes a smelly neighbour. Also, if you have a weak bladder or any kind of bowel problem, please try and sit on the aisle. I understand it is not your fault, but being climbed over a thousand times during a flight to get to the toilet starts to get on peoples nerves. And surely you don’t have time to waste?!

Rant over. Thanks for listening.

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10 comments

  1. Absolutely howling with laughter here… I’ve flown a lot and all of the above infuriate me! Especially when they stand up before the plane is even at the sky bridge with the cockpit still sealed. The repeated beating as people make their way to their seats with their ridiculously large carry on’s. the running to immigration… Don’t you know you still have to wait for your luggage you fools!! I could rant all day about this, great post Sam. 🙂

    • I’m glad the post made you laugh. That is so true! Hahaha brilliant, they’re getting nowhere any faster than the rest of the planet load! Love that.

  2. The Guy /

    Some good points there. No. 1 annoys me immensely. Having taken well over 1,000 if not 2,000 flights I know that even when taxi-ing or close to the gate that the plane can suddenly brake. The momentum can throw people forward.

    In my view anyone undoing their belt before the light is out is a complete tool.

  3. Amen! That is all 😀 haha

  4. I agree with Toni, won’t go into details or start a rant too but sometimes I want to bang my head against the front seat bc of all the silly, unnecessary things people do…le sigh 🙁

  5. The seat belt light is a biggie. Hardly anyone follows it and the rush for the exit at the end takes forever when you are in the back. I laughed at the “close the blind” people who you mentioned. It is like they just shut you out from the outside. I love to look at the scenery also. Thanks for sharing Sam!

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